2011 in pictures

A friend of mine posted their top ten pictures of 2011 on her blog so I'm gonna post my favourite pictures of 2011 too :D  No particular order, just some great times...

Making snow angels with my sisters at Winter Retreat

Halloween with some awesome new friends.

Fab5 enjoying life.

Science Class.  Epicness of Teacher's college

One of my favourite pictures ever.  Andrew saved my senior formal after my date bailed on me!

The end of four amazing years in Tridelta

My birthday.

One of the last nights everyone together in Ottawa.

Graffiti party... Go team!

Its not a box... its my hat for the royal wedding.  Another great moment in teacher's college

Graduation day.

An amazing shot of an amazing guy.

Happy New Year!      *May 2012 be a wonderful year*

Simple Pleasures

As I lay in bed and the clock approaches noon, I am waiting for videoebb to allow me to finish watching the season finale of One Tree Hill Season 6.. I got half way through before it cut me off for 52 minutes or whatever it was... So now I'm thinking of the simple pleasures of life

1. Channel surfing during commercials.
2. The sun cracking through the curtains.
3. Carrots and dip.
4. Clean socks.
5. Hoodies and sweatpants.
6. Christmas and birthday cards with loving messages.
7. Real mail.. like handwritten letters.
8. When your favourite song comes on the radio.
9. Board games and puzzles with family.
10. When your hair freezes after a shower on a cold day.

So thats 10 things that make me smile.

Love y'all, Jenny~Z

The holidays.

Such a busy busy time of year for everyone.

Sometimes its nice to just stop and enjoy life.

My life would be meaningless without the people surrounding me.

If I've learned anything in the past month, it's that life is short.. never take it for granted and to cherish those close to you.

So I hope in this holiday week you have taken the time to visit family and catch up with old friends.

Remember to always:  live well, laugh often and love deeply.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Jenny~Z

Getting it back together

So my life is falling back into place.

I've come to terms with my step-gramma's passing.  She's in a better place as she is no longer suffering from cancer.

I'm starting to come to terms with my friend's suicide.  This one is much harder.  There is confusion, guilt and curiosity surrounding it.  Confusion as to why she did it, why she felt there was no other way out.   Guilt that I didn't know it was so bad.  Guilt that I didn't do more to help her.  Curiosity about depression and what it might feel like to be where she was.  Curiosity about what she was thinking about in those last minutes of her life.  Which brings me back to guilt for being curious about these things.

My difficult placement is over and both of my evaluations went fairly well.  My placement teacher even bought me a bottle of alcohol at the end.  So I don't think my feelings towards her were mutual.   Looking back I learned A LOT during my 6 weeks with her.  How to deal with difficult co-workers, what kind of teaching practices I won't have, and how to mould myself into what someone else wants of me.

Unfortunately, about a month ago lover boy (France bound buddy who came to visit me..) made a bit of a huge mistake that led my trust in him to crack... deeply.  But we're working on it.  As I said in a post a while ago, we fit really well together.  So as I cautiously proceed and attempt to forgive his misdoings I wonder where this journey will lead us.

Lastly, financially... I've been working for the past month or so at my job from the summer.  Just weekends at first and now full time.  It feels soooooo good to have money in my account again.  Every penny so far went towards rent for January.. until yesterday.  So now I'm back to saving for life.  I don't know how far it will get me. But I'm really hoping that between the money I make now, OSAP and my tax-refund that I will make it through the year without having to tap into my RRSPs.  I'm even will to break out the credit cards if necessary and continue to carry a balance.  My RRSPs are sacred and the idea of breaking into them terrifies me.

So there you have it... the update on Jenny~Z's life

Enjoy

No money in the bank..

For the first time, in a very long time, I don't have enough money in my account to make all the payments I usually do.  I only have $600 in my account, which isn't enough for me to make my two visa minimum payments plus pay my mastercard off in full.   Its a little sucky as I've only once paid interest on this card (with an interest of 19.9%) so I'm really not looking forward to paying interest this month.  I'm hoping that I can figure something out and soooooooooon.

This week has been hell enough.   Let's recap

Sunday 8am - got message informing me of my friend's death
Sunday 12pm - most difficult shift of my life
Sunday 6pm - got news of my step-gramma's death
Monday 3pm - told by my associate teacher that my lesson sucked and I'd have to reteach it.
Wednesday 10am - step-gramma's funeral
Thursday 10am - faculty advisor evaluation
Friday 7pm - friend's hometown memorial
Saturday 12pm - work
Sunday 12pm - work
Sunday 2pm - friend's Ottawa memorial

so i'm really just counting the moments for this week to be over.  it's been so stressful and now i'm sick sick sick.

So the last thing I want to think about is the lack of money in my account.  Hopefully, work will bring in a tun of money and I won't have to worry about paying my bills ever again.

Not working has been hard, to see my balance drop and drop and drop.  And even now just working weekends isn't bringing in quite enough money to counter-balance my spending. Oh to be debt free.  Minimum payments are what kill me... eeeehk


Thanks again to all those who have been there for me this past week.  I'm amazed at the love and support.  You're the best friends anyone could ever ask for!
xoxoxo

Jenny~Z

Death

Death is a horrible awful thing.   No matter what the situation, the pain that surrounds death is never manageable.   There is very little comfort in the knowledge that someone is in a "better place" now or that their pain and suffering has finally come to an end. Or that it will get "easier with time".  It still hurts like crazy.

My step-grandmother passed away Sunday afternoon.  She's been suffering from Stage 4 cancer for a long time now and slipped into a coma on Thursday.  She was doing well and unfortunately took a turn for the worse but it was expected.  We had had time to deal with the situation.  Time to get the affairs in order.  Time to say goodbye.  Time to mentally prepare.  When I got the phone call Sunday night, I obviously wasn't happy but I wasn't shocked either.  I was definitely more than heartbroken by the news.

Sunday morning was an entirely  different story.  I woke up to a message telling me that a dear friend had passed away Saturday afternoon.  She was my age: 23.   I definitely wasn't expecting to wake up to that kind of news.  I was beside myself.  Feelings of guilt and sadness, shock and disbelief filled me.  I was so confused and upset that it took 2 hours for the news to sink in.  And when it did, I broke down and bawled to (at?) the guy I was having breakfast with.  My dear friend was always very supportive and caring no matter what she was personally going through.  She was that person you could call at 2am and she'd be there for you, in a flash no questions asked. I can't handle the suddenness of her death.  Or how wrong it feels that someone so young and beautiful passed away.

Both of these deaths this weekend are difficult and sad.  I am no less heartbroken by my step-grandmother's expected death than I am by my friend's sudden death.  I don't know how to deal with or process either one yet.  I'm not sure which will effect me more profoundly.  All I do know is that my life was touch extremely deeply by both of these amazing individuals that I care so much for.  I keep trying to remember the good moments.  The happy times.  The great memories.  Everytime I feel hopeless and sad I grasp one more memory to get me through that moment with the hope that tomorrow it will be easier.  But its never easy to lose someone.  NEVER.

Zelia and Katie you will be missed.
You will always be in my heart.

Rest peacefully now my beautiful angels.

Love, Jenny~Z