Forgiveness

Bad things happens.  Sometimes people make mistakes.  Sometime people intentionally hurt you.  

No matter what happened forgiveness heals the heart.

I was in an abusive relationship some years ago.  And it took me a long time to forgive him for what he did.  It took even longer for me to forgive myself.  But I was finally able to let go of all the pain and guilt and I felt sooo much better.   

Hopefully, the pain you're dealing with isn't as bad as what I was going through those years ago.  But you can't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault.  No matter how responsible you feel... Take a hard look at the situation, figure out what you can do to make it right and do it.. then forgive yourself.  Let it go, don't hold on to the pain.  

And don't torture other people.  Holding grudges, being malicious and attacking those who care about you just hurts you in the long run.   It will also damage a relationship that might have been salvageable.  Love and kind words are better for all those involved.  And if you're the one who makes a mistake.. apologize and recognize that you aren't perfect either.

So live well, laugh often and love deeply.   Enjoy each day as it comes because tomorrow might not... but also because when tomorrow does come you want the memories from yesterday to look back on and enjoy!!!!

Smile!

Jenny~Z

Bad Profs

I hate that I've spent copious amounts of money on a professor who I don't feel like is doing an effective job at their job.

Specifically, I'm sitting in a class right now and my prof loves and I mean really loves to avoid answering questions.  His favourite tactic is to answer a question with whatever information is floating around in his head.  Usually, he just rephrases something he's already talked about but doesn't actually answer the question.  Furthering the idea that he loves his own information, we have a lot of table discussions.  These discussions are great, until he brings us back to the whole class, tells us his opinion and moves on.  Isn't the point of discussing at the table then whole group is to get the ideas of of everyone else.. not the prof's idea repeated.  I won't even get started about how he quiets us.. think military command.. "I'll wait!"  So rude.. we're pre-service teachers not juvenile delinquents... ugh

I have another prof, for math, who just confuses herself.  I find it kind of humorous because its fairly simple primary/junior math and I love math so I usually understand before she jumps into her explanation.  But I feel bad for my classmates.  They ask a legit question and she gets confused.  So these poor kids who are confused just get more confused by her confusion.  But she's a nice lady and is great one on one so her office hours are getting a good amount of use!

Just my two cents.  Thankfully my other 9 profs are AMAZING!!  (ya that's right I'm taking 11 courses right now)

Jenny~Z

Boys.

I don't, for the life of me, understand boys.  Actually, maybe I do understand them.. but on the friend level... Since grade 1 I've pretty much always had a really close guy friend.  It started with Tom.. I walked to and from school with him from grade 1-5 and hung out after school with him often enough.  Then I moved and didn't really have friends for a while.  That was a pretty depressing time of my life.. but I went and helped with the kindergartens so I don't think I really noticed hahah.  By grade 6, I had become friends with the WALL BALL people.. which of course was the boys.  In grade 9 I became close friends with a guy named Eric.  Eric is a sweet, sweet boy.. I'm actually very sad we lost touch.  Throughout high school, I was good friends with a variety of guys, Tom, Blair, Corey, Gerry, Marcus, Tanner (to name a few..)  Then in university an odd thing happened.. I joined a sorority and suddenly had mostly girl friends.  It was great!  Girls are sooooo different from guys.  But in second year  I started working for a major bank and became good friends with JF.. yes, another guy!

Now this is where the oddities being..

Everyone, and I mean everyone, thought JF and I were dating.  Despite the fact we both had significant others.  Despite the fact we said we weren't.  Despite the fact we rarely hung out outside of work, and even more rarely was it alone.  For whatever reason, people probably would have bet lots of money if asked about our sex life... THEN LOST IT ALL.  I am still good friends with JF and through a couple different relationships and lots and lots of alcohol we have remained platonic friends.  And he is definitely still one of my closest friends.

Then there's Matt.  I met Matt a few months ago when I came here to teacher's college.  He is also a great guy,  For a bit we hung out everyday.. and again the rumours ran wild.  But nothing has ever happened between Matt and I.   Just last week, he and I disagreed about some art project thing or other  and two girls over heard the argument and said: "OH NO, trouble in paradise"  I wanted to strangle them.  First of all, is it really their business.  Second of all, I don't think I've said more than 6 sentences to these girls all year, so who are they to make assumptions about my life.

So seriously people.  Two things.

ONE: Girls and boy can be friends.  Without having or wanting to have sex.
TWO: Who CARES?!!?!?!   Pay attention to your own freakin' life and stop making rumours up about mine!

That's my angry rant.
Jenny~Z  

First Conference

I'm really excited to be participating in my first teacher related conference tonight and tomorrow!

I've been to other conferences many a time.

I went to a CrimeStoppers conference in Toronto in grade 10 (first conference ever) and more recently I participated in my sorority's biannual Convention in Orlando, Florida in 2010.  I think, to date, those are my two favourite, most memorable conferences.  But this one will hopefully rival them... granted nothing is better than a week in ORLANDO hahah...

So this conference cost me $50, which is half price because I'm a pre-service teacher!  SCORE!  I also get wine and cheese tonight plus lunch and a snack tomorrow.  I never turn down free food, especially free food I've paid for!!

The focus of the conference is on Imagination and Creativity in schools.  There is a guest speaker tonight and a bunch of workshops tomorrow.  There are two I really really hope I got into.. The integration of science into a creative classroom and How to integrate art into literacy.  (Or something along those lines...) Other than that I'm excited for whatever workshops I'm put into simply for the chance to learn and gain knowledge.

I'm totally for student-direct teaching.  I know it sounds a little lazy on the part of the teacher but I wouldn't be sitting on the sidelines.  I think that students need to really get in there and decide what they want to learn and then go learn it!! The teacher's role is to facilitate that learning.  I really hope this conference gives me more ideas on how to successfully integrate this philosophy into a classroom.

But the best part about conferences... is the name tag!  Wearing a name tag instantly makes you 100 times more important than you actually are!

So, adios for now.. I must go fetch my "importance" tag!
Jenny~Z

Hump Day

Today I decided to buy myself lunch.  A luxury I haven't afforded myself more than a handful of times since the beginning of the year.  It was a planned purchase.. I thought about it before leaving my house, brought my wallet (which I don't normally do) and envisioned what I would eat during my morning class!  It was wonderful.  Possibly even more so because it very rarely happens.  I think that allowing small luxuries like that are a great way to enjoy life and save money.  Just to be clear, I gave myself a $5 limit and very much enjoyed the soup I bought with water from the tap!!!

Aside from that today sucked.  It's Wednesday. Its getting colder.  It gets dark around 4:30 here. It was raining all day.  Today just plain SUCKED.  So I'm very happy to be laying in bed, cozied up in my comforter about to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory as I fall asleep.

Hope your Hump Day wasn't as depressing,
love Jenny~Z

My ohhh soo ExCELLENT weekend.

So as this blog moves further from the finances and more into the personal, I apologize... As I've said, its hard to talk about money when all I'm doing is spending it.

Anywho, I was spoiled like a princess this weekend.  You see, my friend, who looked like a yeti, cooked and cleaned and took really, really good care of me.  We watched a couple good movies (Beauty and the Beast anyone?!) and lots of episodes of Big Bang Theory (a show we both love) which meant lots and lots of cuddling!  The best part of the weekend was probably our hike to the falls behind my school.  Sunday afternoon we adventured through the forest, climbed on rocks  and just enjoyed each other and the nature.  But there was a fight too.. okay not a fight but  I wasn't happy when he decided to stay home Saturday night instead of coming to the bar with me.  In retrospect, he would have hated the bar we went to and I admitted such when I got home after the clocks had change (WHATS UP DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!)   Yesterday, his bus left at  3:25pm which is pretty cool, except he told me it left at 4:30pm so we left my place at 3:45pm... After the initial shock (we weren't sure where the $$ to buy a new ticket would come from but turns out the time on the ticket was just a suggestion and the ticket was valid for the next bus too!) it was nice to have him for an extra 8 hours.

It's amazing when two people fit together so well... we can talk for HOURS (example Friday night we didn't go to bed until after 4am) or hang out in silence... we can laugh and be silly together or be serious and supportive (he's been encouraging me to look into a Master's program).  I've always wanted to settle down in the country or on a farm and he just spent 2 months on farms in France.  So we spent a lot of time talking about sustainable farming and ecocommunities!  I'm trying hard not to get over-invested, too  quickly but sometimes its hard in love... We'll see how the next two weeks go and then I'm headed to Ottawa for my sorority's initiation and I might be spending a couple nights at his mom's farm!! I'm very excited!

Besides buying his bus tickets, it was a really cheap weekend!  I didn't spend any more money than normal on food.  I bought two bottles of wine (which is normal lol) and some ice cream (not normal but soooo worth it).  Low key is awesome!!!

Until next time,
Jenny~Z

First Visitor.

So my school is probably the number one teacher's college in Ontario.  We have a couple of SICK programs going on and AMAZING teachers.  But it's isolated.  It's a GORGEOUS city with nothing near it.  The closest big cities are all at least 2-3 hours away.   But I've come to love the area, especially as the leaves are changing!!  Which is why I'm so excited for my first visitor.  For most of my friends its too expensive of a trip (without significant benefits) to come for the weekend, and I totally understand (I barely wanted to live here for the first couple weeks).  So when my dear friend JD told me of the possible adventure here I was ecstatic.  JD recently returned from a couple months abroad so I'm very excited to hear stories, drink wine and just catch up.  As I explained in my last post there were money issues.  Thankfully, those have been resolved and he will arrive in about 46 hours :D

Hosting people (especially people with no money) can get expensive.  I don't want him to have to pay for groceries... and we're both to poor to eat out.  Plus wine.. but I love wine and there's usually at least one bottle in my fridge so this is a normal expense!  I plan on taking advantage of the amazing city and going for a walk on the water front, through the forest behind the school and a stroll downtown.  All of which are free activities and will hopefully be a good time!  We'll hopefully be headed to my favourite bar in town Saturday night as well.. pre-drinking as much as possible then just enjoying the live music and atmosphere!  I'm very excited for my first visitor, even if it means a more expensive weekend than usual!! TOTALLY WORTH IT.  CUMMMMMMON THURSDAY NIGHT!!!

I'd also like to issue a formal apology for posting my personal life DRAMA on here.   I love my friend dearly and was sad to find out about the situation.  Sometimes you just need to vent..

Love,
jenny~z