Thursday, December 22, 2011

Getting it back together

So my life is falling back into place.

I've come to terms with my step-gramma's passing.  She's in a better place as she is no longer suffering from cancer.

I'm starting to come to terms with my friend's suicide.  This one is much harder.  There is confusion, guilt and curiosity surrounding it.  Confusion as to why she did it, why she felt there was no other way out.   Guilt that I didn't know it was so bad.  Guilt that I didn't do more to help her.  Curiosity about depression and what it might feel like to be where she was.  Curiosity about what she was thinking about in those last minutes of her life.  Which brings me back to guilt for being curious about these things.

My difficult placement is over and both of my evaluations went fairly well.  My placement teacher even bought me a bottle of alcohol at the end.  So I don't think my feelings towards her were mutual.   Looking back I learned A LOT during my 6 weeks with her.  How to deal with difficult co-workers, what kind of teaching practices I won't have, and how to mould myself into what someone else wants of me.

Unfortunately, about a month ago lover boy (France bound buddy who came to visit me..) made a bit of a huge mistake that led my trust in him to crack... deeply.  But we're working on it.  As I said in a post a while ago, we fit really well together.  So as I cautiously proceed and attempt to forgive his misdoings I wonder where this journey will lead us.

Lastly, financially... I've been working for the past month or so at my job from the summer.  Just weekends at first and now full time.  It feels soooooo good to have money in my account again.  Every penny so far went towards rent for January.. until yesterday.  So now I'm back to saving for life.  I don't know how far it will get me. But I'm really hoping that between the money I make now, OSAP and my tax-refund that I will make it through the year without having to tap into my RRSPs.  I'm even will to break out the credit cards if necessary and continue to carry a balance.  My RRSPs are sacred and the idea of breaking into them terrifies me.

So there you have it... the update on Jenny~Z's life


1 comment:

  1. That's the thing about this time of the year - well actually the end of the year. You get an excuse to let the past be the past and despite how painful it may have been, you get to look forward to the future and move on with optimism.

    Hope the new year turns out much much better in all ways.

    Merry Chistmas & a Happy New Year!