Death

Death is a horrible awful thing.   No matter what the situation, the pain that surrounds death is never manageable.   There is very little comfort in the knowledge that someone is in a "better place" now or that their pain and suffering has finally come to an end. Or that it will get "easier with time".  It still hurts like crazy.

My step-grandmother passed away Sunday afternoon.  She's been suffering from Stage 4 cancer for a long time now and slipped into a coma on Thursday.  She was doing well and unfortunately took a turn for the worse but it was expected.  We had had time to deal with the situation.  Time to get the affairs in order.  Time to say goodbye.  Time to mentally prepare.  When I got the phone call Sunday night, I obviously wasn't happy but I wasn't shocked either.  I was definitely more than heartbroken by the news.

Sunday morning was an entirely  different story.  I woke up to a message telling me that a dear friend had passed away Saturday afternoon.  She was my age: 23.   I definitely wasn't expecting to wake up to that kind of news.  I was beside myself.  Feelings of guilt and sadness, shock and disbelief filled me.  I was so confused and upset that it took 2 hours for the news to sink in.  And when it did, I broke down and bawled to (at?) the guy I was having breakfast with.  My dear friend was always very supportive and caring no matter what she was personally going through.  She was that person you could call at 2am and she'd be there for you, in a flash no questions asked. I can't handle the suddenness of her death.  Or how wrong it feels that someone so young and beautiful passed away.

Both of these deaths this weekend are difficult and sad.  I am no less heartbroken by my step-grandmother's expected death than I am by my friend's sudden death.  I don't know how to deal with or process either one yet.  I'm not sure which will effect me more profoundly.  All I do know is that my life was touch extremely deeply by both of these amazing individuals that I care so much for.  I keep trying to remember the good moments.  The happy times.  The great memories.  Everytime I feel hopeless and sad I grasp one more memory to get me through that moment with the hope that tomorrow it will be easier.  But its never easy to lose someone.  NEVER.

Zelia and Katie you will be missed.
You will always be in my heart.

Rest peacefully now my beautiful angels.

Love, Jenny~Z