I am strong because I've been weak.
I am fearless because I've been afraid.
I am wise because I've been foolish.
I can love because I've known pain.
I can laugh because I've felt sadness.
Wow... today was a drama day in my life. Sorry, this is going to be a personal post...a long, personal post... no finances involved...
Before going into details, I'm a little frustrated by people who live in a bubble.
I also am frustrated by enablers.
Okay, here we go... [This is all about an ex-co-worker of mine]
No, it is not okay that you didn't do the things you're required for your job.
No, it is not okay that you were unable to form connections with your students.
No, it is not okay that you refused to even try to be a humane person to your co-workers.
No, it is not okay that you gave less than 24 hours to your job before you flew home.
I have very little idea about what was going on in this girl's head, or life for that matter. But it was clear that she was miserable in Taiwan. She was beyond rude to some of the nicest people I've ever met and appeared unable to make connections with her students. Apparently, she also decided that she didn't need to do the required material or mark her books.
From the outside it looks like there was no passion or effort going into her teaching.
Worst of all, she emailed on a Sunday to say she wouldn't be returning. Monday was chaos. There were no plans and her classes were days, if not weeks, behind. Makeshift supplies were called in and interviews were conducted immediately. We were all scrambling to make up for her sudden disappearance. I have no idea what her students were whirlwinding through.
This morning she posted on facebook about people being selfish for leaving their car running in a parking lot.
I should have walked away.
I should have let it go.
I should have at least sat on it before commenting.
But I couldn't hold back and commented that I thought she was selfish for leaving her students and coworkers as she did. That she had no right to judge others that way. (I also kindly, though some what sarcastically, put in a part about having to work on my own judgments)
Well, by golly, that started quite the stream of positive message aimed at her and a few distasteful comments back at me. I don't really care about the rudeness aimed at me. They weren't here. They didn't see her in, what is likely/hopefully, the worst teaching of her life. What I was so upset about is the encouragement. Enabling someone to make bad decisions is almost as bad as making bad decisions.
Don't get me wrong,
I understand my life is very different from her life.
I understand she was unhappy here.
I understand what it's like to be unhappy. How miserable life can be.
I understand that sometimes you feel like you have no choices and cannot escape the walls.
I also know that everyone involved is actually better off now.
But seriously, give notice to your coworkers or at least leave lesson plans. OR PAGE NUMBERS... anything.. Think about your students...
If you think I was upset by all that HAHA I laugh at all of that now... She claimed "personal reason" and we all assumed she'd finally realized and accepted her misery and returned home...
She admitted, on her own blog, that she went home because of severe acne and a new chemically caused dimple in her cheek that she wants cosmetically filled. And that by goodness, maybe you think she's vain but her "emotional health is important". To which people commented things like "just do what you do, people will hate and be angry and sour because they're miserable and unhappy in their own lives."
For the record,
I don't hate her.
I don't disagree that emotional health is important.
I don't think that leaving on a whim because of acne and a dimple is anything but selfish...
Being honest, I actually feel bad for her. I feel bad that she is so miserable in her own life. I feel bad that she is so absorbed in physical appearance, she cannot enjoy life. I feel bad that her chosen career makes her miserable. I feel bad that she cannot see it. I feel bad that people are enabling her self-absorption..
Now to clarify.. and because this blog is about me, not anyone else...
I am very happy and satisfied with my life and my choices (on a large scale, maybe not my comment this morning..). I wish that everyone could find that happiness and feel fulfilled. I wake up most mornings asking why life is so beautiful and why I am so blessed? I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and amazing friends/family... and really, everything else is just the little stuff. I honestly couldn't ask for more in my life. Except maybe the elimination of my debt magically (hey gotta throw some finances in..) When I'm teaching, I fall into this timeless zone of pure bliss. My students, as crazy as they make me, are my pride and joy. Cliche as it may be, their successes are my successes and their failures are my failures. I've taken them under my wing and every single day, I work my butt off to do right by them. I feel so fortunate to have this happiness in my life.
To close, I fall back to the poem I posted at the beginning. I've definitely had my fair share of struggles through life. I've figuratively and quite literally (by an abusive boyfriend) been kicked down and had the life choked out of me more than once. I've made bad decisions. But I'm stronger now, I'm happier now. I explore life with all that I can, because I know how precious it is. The hard times make me appreciate what I have now, what I've worked so hard to get, that much more rewarding. I can be fearless because I know what scares me. I know what terrifies me. I know how far I can push myself. But I also know that I can survive outside of those limits. I can fight for myself, for my life. When pushed, I can and will not let anything stop me... my will to live and live well is way too strong. I'm proud of who I am, and I'm determine to push myself on to be a better, less selfish person. Life cannot hold me down :D
Lastly, I truly hope my ex-co-worker, and all others suffering, can one day fight back and feel true love and happiness! Because gosh-dangit... its a good place to be...